The response to my first "Confessions of a co-wife" blog was overwhelmingly positive. Women from all walks of life reached out with love, support, and lots of interesting questions. It is truly a blessing to receive such loving and compassionate feedback, even from people who do not share my beliefs or views.
One of the questions that seemed to be on many women's mind was do me and my co-wife live and/or sleep together. Let me start by saying that there is no one way to practice Polygamy and Polygyny and the way that my family practices Polygyny may not be the same as how another family will practice Polygyny. My family is Muslim, and in our faith it is not permissible for the wives to have a physical or romantic relationship. I thank Allah every day that my co-wife and I have an amazing relationship, but our relationship is a friendship and a sisterhood. We share a husband, but we are not each others wives.
Let me be clear, I can only speak for my situation. I am sure that no two families practice Polygyny in the same way, different people have different beliefs, preferences, and boundaries that dictate how they choose to live and love. I am not a person who spends my time trying to control or judge the way that other people live, I have too much to work on in my own life for that. What I hope to do is offer insight and perspective about Polygyny based on my personal experience.
I appreciate the fact that women have been open and comfortable enough with me to discuss their candid views about Polygyny. Surprisingly many women expressed interest in possibly practicing Polygyny and Polygamy and wanted a greater understanding about it from an insider's vantage point.
Another question that has been asked frequently is "How did you do it?". Literally women want to know, "how do you share your husband?". I can't speak for every woman, I can only try to explain how Polygyny works for me. The first emotional step that I had to take in order for me to be successful in sharing my husband was to realize that he is not MY husband, he is OUR husband, and I have to firmly understand and respect that fact. I truly believe that the creator has been preparing me to be a co-wife for a few years. After my first marriage ended my ex-husband and I had to find a way to co-parent our children whom we had raised together for 9 years. So when my ex-husband remarried not only did I have to co-parent with him, but I also had to accept that I would now be sharing my children with another woman who would also be fulfilling the role of mother in my children's lives. To be honest I was not ready for it. Allowing my children to be mothered by another woman was one of the most difficult tasks that I have had to undertake in my life! I had to work on my ego, jealousy, and insecurities so that my children would be comfortable loving and receiving love from their other mom. It took prayer, practice, trust, and accountability in order for me to get a level of understanding where I could be secure enough to know that the love my children have for their other mother in no way diminishes the love that they have for me. Nothing will change our bond or the fact that I'm their mother. Love is limitless and there is an endless supply so we always have the ability to generate more.
Looking at my situation logically as well as emotionally, I figure that if I am able to embrace my children (creatures who once lived in my body) loving another woman in the same type of way that they love me then why on earth would it be hard for me to embrace my husband having another wife? My husband's love for his other wife doesn't change or downplay the love that he has for me, to me it is not a competition, love is love.
The experience of being a co-parent and co-wife has opened my heart in ways I could have never imagined. It has shown me the true meaning of sisterhood and given me a greater insight into sharing and humility. My children's other mother and my co-wife sacrifice for me on a daily even when they aren't conscious of it. I love and respect them both for opening their hearts to joining me on these journeys that will hopefully last for a lifetime and I am grateful for their presence in my life.
All healthy relationships take self-evaluation, constructive communication, compassion, patience, and consistency among so many other elements. No matter if your relationship is polygynous or monogynous it will take work, every single day. The reality is that the energy that you put into your relationship will be the energy that you get out of your relationship...so my sincere advice for those considering Polygamy is to work on yourself and invest your energy wisely!
If you like my blogspot, I'm sure you'll love my vodcast. Check out the first Loud Mouth Ghetto Girl video podcast here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fnRMOVbdjI
Copyright Amber Hasan 2018
Edited by Cheryl Williams
